Farewell Aleta

2006-10-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

Aleta at the River City Mixed Chorus Concert In Omaha on June 18, 2006. Photo by Mary Robbins, provided by Sharon Arnold

Aleta Fenceroy 12/27/1948 - 9/23/2006

As most, if not all of you know, Aleta has been battling cancer since she was diagnosed on June 15th of this year. I was blessed to be with Aleta at the end of her life. She died at home, in a hospital bed that I had set up in the dining room next to a big window so that she could look out at the garden. She lived just over 3 months after she was diagnosed with cancer, but she had many good days. Aleta died peacefully in the company of friends and family who loved her. She had wonderful visits with her two children, Michelle and J.J., who flew in from Phoenix and Africa respectively. She was able to read to her granddaughters, Chloe and Ella, and hold the newest addition, little Teaghan.

And even though this was a terrible situation, we were able to take so many good things from it. The incredible support and love we felt from friends close by and far away really sustained us. We grew closer to each other and to our families. We found humor and learned lessons of courage and compassion from fellow cancer patients and their families. We learned to enjoy the little moments that make our days and our lives so precious.

Aleta raised two children on her own, a single mom on welfare, working part-time and going to college to earn a Master of Music Degree. She graduated from Morningside College in Sioux City, IA and received her Masters at the University Of Minnisota, in Minneapolis. She was a church organist for 30 years, 4 of which were spent in Norway. She worked for the State of Iowa Department of Corrections for over 15 years before going back to school to earn an Associates Degree in computer programming in 1998. She then took a job in Omaha, Nebraska with First Data Resources as an analyst/programmer and software writer. She LOVED her job. She loved solving puzzles, following trails and picking up clues and that was her favorite part of being a programmer.

She was dogged in her pursuit of answers at work and that is how she was in most aspects of her life. When she sunk her teeth into something, she didn't let go. Hence, 8 years of "Fenceberry Articles." Hour upon hour and day upon day were spent on the home computer. Aleta was determined to hunt down the story; to get the news out; to defend her community; and to right the wrongs to the best of her ability. And she did it with love, wit, dignity and charm. That is the way she lived her life and that is the way she died.

She will be terribly missed. She is terribly missed.

A memorial celebration of her life has been planned and arrangements will be finalized when her son knows on which dates he will be in Omaha. There will be no funeral. Aleta requested there be no flowers. Anyone wishing to make a donation should write a check to the American Civil Liberties Union.

Jean Mayberry - forever and proudly the berry half of the Fenceberry Family

2006-09-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

Columnist Deb Price's article on Fenceberry is here.
Published obituaries are here.
Omaha World Herald Guest Book is here.

Dear Jean,

I was very saddened to hear of this tragic loss and wanted to know
you have my deepest sympathy.

I am only one of countless people whom you and Aleta hardly knew but whose news horizons and world view were broadened immeasurably by the generous sacrifice and 24/7 ardor that produced the information network of Fenceberry.

You both will always have my enormous gratitude. But most of all I send my sincere condolences for your personal loss. It is heartbreaking. I am thinking of you and send every warm wish.

Yours,
Frank Rich

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Dear Friends of Aleta:

I knew Aleta when she and Jean were organizers of the lesbian and gay community in Sioux City. Their example helped give many of us the courage to come out and live our lives.

Tim Orwig

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I never met Aleta or Jean but I admired the wonderful work of Fenceberry.

To Jean, family and friends I offer my condolences, love and support.

Gabi Clayton
Olympia, Washington
http://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/

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To say that Aleta will be missed would be the understatement of the year! She will be missed by our community members, who may have never even known she existed, because Fenceberry was such a little/big mouse in the corner - - - just doing, doing, doing for our glbt community. Personally, I don't know what I might have done without Aleta and Jean when I went on a national book tour in the early 90's. Jean, your help was invaluable! Thank you so very much; and now, my dear, you have to take good care of yourself and know there is a nation of people out here who will be upholding you with our positive thoughts. Always love

Ace Lundon

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My sincerest condolences to Jean Mayberry.

I always enjoyed receiving the Fenceberry posts, which were so informative.

I wish you, Aleta's children and grandchildren, as well as all her friends the best.

Sincerely,

Gil Williams
Spring Hill, FL

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My memory is of how a national community, perhaps a global community, was created and nourished by the list that you and Aleta ran. It's impact cannot be overstimated. I know that it was a labor of love for both of you and I know that you juggled work and family responsibilities to do this. The news that you provided sustained us all and made us stronger. Certainly, Aleta must be honored in memory for this great contribution.

All my love,

Ken Sherrill

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I never met Aleta Fenceroy or Jean Mayberry. But they touched my life in Connecticut thousands of times, with news stories that created an online community. Together, they built bridges linking people in all parts of our country and the world. When Fenceberry decided to close up shop, I started sending out news stories on my own. Today I still feed a dozen or so stories to the gay news blog or the gay news group at Yahoo Groups. It is the only payment I can give to these two wonderful women. Aside from a word of thanks.

Tom Jackson, Berkeley, CA

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We would like to thank Aleta for everything she has done for us and our community. Our hearts go out to the family of this champion of truth and justice from whom we may all take a lesson. Our community has lost a hero and we will miss her and her contributions dearly. She proved to all of us that we are able to make a difference whether you live in San Francisco, New York...or even Omaha.

Jacob and Bryan Box
Rock Hill, South Carolina

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My perception and remembrances of Aleta Fenceroy

I joined the River City Mixed Chorus the fall of 2004 and have known Aleta since then.

As a long-time friend of the director, Mark Kurtz, I was aware of Aleta even before then as he would talk about her as the accompanist in glowing terms. Once I joined the Chorus, I saw what he meant in terms of the way she supported him and helped anticipate his needs as a director. She was a fine musician and I know he really enjoyed having her as the accompanist to the chorus. I also personally very much appreciated her flexibility during the times when we had breakout sessions and she would work with the women of the chorus. She also graciously would hold extra sessions for the women of the chorus close to performance time. I will miss that kind of extra-mile generosity she gave and lived with.

As a soprano, I sat in the front row on the piano side and we often would exchange smiles and grins at funny things that were said or happened in the chorus during rehearsal. I think the thing that I will remember best about Aleta is not only her smile, which is how I always picture her, but her warmth of spirit and her gentle manner. She did not push herself forward but was there in support and helpfulness.

While neither of us hung out with each other apart from the chorus, I enjoyed talking with her during breaks and at performances. Prior to her illness I had thought we might have continued to deepen our friendship. We were starting to talk at a deeper level. I am very sorry for that lost opportunity, but I am glad for the friendship we did share.

Neither Aleta nor I are really party people, and I remember the time when both she and I were at the bar DC's for the after-show party and how she and I both entered and left DC's at the same time, acknowledging that we were there to be with other chorus members and to celebrate, but it wasn't our favorite activity. We talked on the street for awhile afterwards and I remember being so honored by some of the things she shared with me about her life and feelings.

I also remember how excited she was by her family and would share when they would come for a visit.

To Jean and to her children and grandchildren - Aleta was a very special person to the chorus and to her friends, and I know to you. I encourage you all to share your memories and happy times with each other as a way of remembering and honoring her.

Blessings,

Jean Rollin

2006-09-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Aleta and Jean were kind enough to invite me and my partner, Sandy, to stay with them when I was in Omaha on business a few years ago; we'd been a part of the Fenceberry "family" for a while before that. We had a wonderful time, one that we especially treasure in memory now. We remember the loving pride with which Aleta showed us your pictures, Michelle and J.J., and the delight with which she told us about you and about her grandchildren, both then and later.

Sadly, we never heard Aleta sing, but if her beautiful speaking voice is any indication--and we're sure it is!--her singing voice must have been magnificent; we can hear her speaking still, in memory, and are glad we've had a recent reminder of her voice over the phone. Aleta's tireless work on keeping those of us in the gay community abreast of the times when there was
little information easily available from other sources is a gift from her that has made her a hero to many, many grateful people. She and Jean both will always have a vitally important place GLBT history; how proud and pleased we were to see both their pictures in The Advocate!

We think our most vivid memory of Aleta and the picture our minds' eyes will see forever is of her, late at night, sitting at her computer, typing yet another article to send out to all the Fenceberry subscribers. And we will always remember the quiet wisdom with which she spoke in conversations both serious and casual. It is terribly cruel that cancer has so prematurely taken her from you and Jean, and from all of us who knew and loved her; it is small consolation now, we know, but we truly believe that a person is never really gone as long as she is remembered by those who knew and loved her. And Aleta, who was herself loving, certainly was loved, and certainly will be remembered!

Nancy Garden & Sandy Scott

2006-09-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry to hear about Aleta. She and I worked together at the RTF in Sioux City. Please know that I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. I will always remember Aleta as a woman of strength and wisdom. I know that she was always committed to you and to her family and that she loved you all very much. May God surround you in peace and comfort at this difficult time.

Julie Tucker

2006-09-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

I first met Aleta in Sioux City, Iowa when she began as the organist of the First Christian Church there where I was pastor.

I was just out of seminary, unsure of myself and cocky at the same time. She and I butted heads over something musical-perhaps tempos for hymns???-and when she quietly stood her ground and began to teach me a thing or two about music.

I learned 2 things:

1) musicians DO know more about music than I do!

2) every person has a story and a history; I am called to listen first and then respond.

I owe a great deal to her. Every other musician that I have worked with in these 27 years of ministry has told me how great it is to work with someone who respects their musical knowledge. Thanks, Aleta. And she was one of those great early teachers who helped me understand how to begin when there is conflict-ask a question and listen. And listen some more.

I think that she would be surprised how she shaped my ministry, but she has. It is a joy, even in this saddest of times, to once again walk with her in gratitude and friendship.

I love you, Aleta.

Nancy Brink

2006-09-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

I have wracked my brain for just the right Aleta Memory to do her justice. I wanted to come up with a memory that would demonstrate exactly how much my husband and I came to love her. I just can't seem to settle on one moment, one incident or even one day that is truly set in my mind. I do know that SHE is indelibly in my mind, though. Like the way she welcomed a family of four including an infant and two cats (of which she was allergic!!) into her home for three weeks. Even though she had never met us she made us feel welcomed and never an inconvenience. (Although, there were a few eye rolls when the toilet paper kept running out!!!) Or the way she made my lonely 12 year old son feel accepted. UNO anyone?? Or how about the way she practically adopted my baby girl as her granddaughter. How many times did Kaia drag her Auntie through the Children's Museum and the Zoo? Her humor and wit was unparalleled, although I was CLUELESS to most of the punch lines. But, I must say that I would have loved Aleta for one reason and one reason only.the way she loved my sister Jean. She was completely devoted to her. The way she cared for Jean was beyond compare. I was blessed to know this incredible woman for almost 5 years and I am saddened by her passing.

Jannet Hada

2006-09-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

the lesbians from omaha

the lesbians from omaha
have done their part
have won my heart
by showing how
we all can make a difference

i met them in sioux city
where aleta and i
attended the same college
(though several years apart)

they embraced the nitty-gritty
of activisim
school board meetings
city hall
but most of all
setting an example
by being out
publicly displaying
what their love was all about

i was immediately taken
with their understated zeal
to work for the inclusion
of those of us who feel
pulled to our own kind
in the way that love’s defined

aleta had been married
raised two kids extremely well
(from what i can surmise)
then met her partner jean

both came to realize
the bond they shared between
might have greater meaning
by giving wider airing
to the nature of their pairing
to family
friends
and world beyond

i loved their ardent candor
grew increasing fond
as our paths crossed on occasion
and we would correspond

their move to east nebraska
was for economic gain
the newly minted internet
provided a domain
for them to make connections
to others who were active
in the movement for gay rights
and the lesbians from omaha
spent countless days and nights
collecting any articles
which touched on our concerns
then sending them by e-mail
to those who asked to share
the inherent twists and turns
both negative and poz
of what was written daily
about our calling and our cause

honored twice
on a major publication’s list
of the year’s outstanding gays
we served as happy hosts
for their brief but jam-packed stays
to accept well-earned veneration
for the tons of work they did
without asking for a penny
or any quid pro quo
and their legion of admirers
only seemed to grow

then a couple months ago
jean e-mailed to say
aleta had been stricken
by a cancer
which soon would rage its evil way
throughout her body

chemo
radiation
and other drastic means
wreaked their own destruction
trying to stem the streams
of mutant cells invading there within
all to no avail
and as our hope grew thin
aleta chose to end the battles
in the fight she could not win

so jean valiantly went forward
arranged for hospice care
stayed steadfast beside her
as aleta tried to bear
the ravages of illness
which left her with the feeling
she was no longer there

i called a couple days ago
aleta speaking just enough
to let me know she hurt
and i did my best
to comfort and once again assert
the love so many feel for her
for both
for everything they’ve done
like the deep appreciation
for cyber webs they’d spun

later on that very day
aleta passed away
jean set another e-mail
to convey the tragic news
the very medium
the lesbians from omaha
had found a way to use
to amplify their passion
hoping they might see the day
when fairness was in fashion

aleta had to leave
before that day arrived
possibly it never will
but few have strived as hard
to make certain that it could

though we are deeply saddened
and loss can’t be understood
aleta left a legacy
for our larger neighborhood
and the lesbians from omaha
have done a world of good

by bill russell

2006-09-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

Photo by Alan Light

Aleta and Jean: Sisters for Change

A message to be remembered

President Woodrow Wilson once said: "If you want to make enemies, try to change something." I think it works in the opposite direction as well. If you want to make friends, try to change something.

I first met Aleta in Sioux Falls. Or was it Pierre. Or was it in Washington. Did I buy a button from her somewhere? Vermillion? I don't remember. The physical meeting means less now than the meeting of the minds though I was pleased to know the physical person.

I'm now just a 54 year old kid from South Dakota who 12 years ago got angry at a couple of state legislators who were trying to stop people from loving each other by creating a law to stop marriage of same-sex couples. A ban on same-sex marriage. Really what they wanted to do was to stop love. Fat chance. Some things you can't change. Love is one of them.

When I first got up on my high horse and thought I could change these idiots I thought information was the most important thing in the world. Computer. Internet. Really, Internet in fairly early days. There was a guy in Iowa City who was gathering up the gay news, something easily done now by Googling the words gay, lesbian, homosexual, faggot, AIDS, etc. People were sending him articles from all over the country. Every day articles would enter my email box at AOL and I'd read them. It was news the Rapid City Journal didn't print. It was news being gathered by gay people all over the country and in turn being sent back to them. And it became a huge list of people. I'm certain that everyone who was anyone in the gay movement was getting these mailings. After a while, Bill Stosine, not his real name, said he'd had enough and was turning his news article gathering over to a couple of women. Oh oh, change. Was it going to be the same? Was it going to last? I hated change.

Soon the news appeared to be coming from fenceberry@aol.com. News. Lots of news. Too much news. Too much opinion. Information overload. Day and day after day. And it continued and continued and continued and I finally realized that somewhere along the line, I had changed. I had changed. I had changed to become a person who like change. I was someone who liked news and liked to know. And I had changed inside which was more important.

For the longest time I felt like a second class citizen, like someone unworthy of being alive and breathing. Oh, I was out of the closet as a gay man, sure. And I was standing up for my rights, sure. But inside, something was still tickling my pain buttons....I still felt unworthy of being. And from all over the nation and the world, news and opinion arrived from these two women. Sometimes I contributed a letter to the editor that was printed locally. Or sometimes an article. And I'd see my name in print from fenceberry...and maybe a small comment about how I'd written a good letter to the editor or how I was doing something in South Dakota. And pretty soon it wasn't fenceberry anymore. It was FENCEBERRY. These two wonderful women meant something bigger than themselves. They represented something irrepressible. They represented a spirit of change and a spirit of growth. It was growth for the whole of the gay movement. No longer were we just in Rapid City, or Iowa City, or New York or San Francisco. We were in little towns in Alabama and Louisiana and Montana and Wyoming. We were everywhere there was information and news.

I confess ego. Yes, I can remember writing letters to newspapers all over the nation just to get my name mentioned in the Fenceberry news. Then gradually, I grew up. It no longer mattered that thousands of gay activists knew my name or my opinion. And I learned from all of them, yes, and they, perhaps, learned from me. Language. We learned the language of our lives from each other.

We not only learned how to speak for ourselves and our movement but we learned a common language from each other via the Fenceberry daily reports. It was bigger than all of us. It was a power greater than ourselves. For the first time in my life, I felt that power and understood what it meant to be a part of a greater movement. My ego went away....sorta. I call it back when I need it and it can be useful at times...but I finally understood that I was not alone and that we had a common language we needed to share...everyday. And from the writings of other activists across the nation, I learned how to write.

Here's a letter I just sent today to the Rapid City Journal:

"There isn't a gay man anywhere who could stop another man from falling in love with a woman. Nor is there a lesbian who could stop another woman from falling in love with a man. No woman could stop a man falling in love with another man. No man could stop a woman from falling in love with another woman. Love happens without the interference of others. Yet, there are those in our society who would do just that: stop love from occurring.

These are the people who resist change, make laws to resist change and make laws and rules to restrict others. They bury their heads in the present and think it will always be the way they think it is never realizing the world is different from what they perceive it to be.

They have gathered their forces to pressure society to adopt strictures on love in the form of Amendment C on this fall's ballot. They think that by stopping people from getting married that the love they oppose will cease. Those who support Amendment C think they are changing the world. They might as well stop the wind by turning off the sun. No on C."

Gay writers and activists will recognize themes in my letter, just as I would now recognize themes in their thoughts and writings. I learned it through the world of Aleta Fenceroy and Jean Mayberry...Fenceberry.

How does someone thank another person for opening their eyes? How does another person thank a guru who suffered through the student's insufferable adolescent rambling? The words "thank you" apply by themselves, surely, but something more is needed. Something else must exist beyond those two words. It is change. Change yes. Demonstrated change.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: "Life is a progress, and not a station." The Alcoholic Anonymous program states that alcoholics should seek progress and not perfection. So that is what we should always be seeking: progress and not perfection. We move forward constantly knowing that we are creating change in ourselves. Let others stay comfortably inside the stiff pages of their old books. We are a part of progress and we are growing together exponentially. We force no one to believe what we believe. If they are attracted to our thoughts, we welcome them. And our thoughts are not about our sexuality nor are they about the love and the experience of that love we share. We have grown beyond those thoughts and into a world of progress in all areas. Progress towards peace. Progress toward inclusion. Progress towards understanding All are welcome to share in the progress.

So in conclusion, this is what I learned through Aleta and through Jean. There is nothing more worthy in life than to know someone has joined the parade towards progress through one's own works. That's is from where the gratitude springs. It isn't the gratitude of the student towards the teacher. It is the gratitude we express to ourselves for having accomplished this task of enlightening another into the ways of progress. In that self-congratulatory moment when we thank ourselves for our own works there is no ego, no puffery, no high-blown pats on the back. In that moment we recognize that we succeeded. And all we ever wanted to do on this earth was succeed at the highest level.

So as the curtain closes we are reminded of the great poem by Dylan Thomas:

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

This poem written to Thomas' father is written to us all. It reminds us that we must fight with every breath, every day, in health and in sickness. And I can truthfully state at the end of this message that I have known Aleta Fenceroy and I have known her to have raged against the dying of the light. And it was she who created light when there was nothing but darkness all around. And she brought light to all who heard her behind the thousands of articles sent from Sioux City and later, Omaha. I heard them and I heard her voice. And because of her, I, too, shall rage against the dying of the light. And it is my promise to her that I shall never drop the torch and shall hand the flame on to others. The way will be lit. We and I... shall make progress for all those who love and live and for all those who loved and lived. We shall remember and never forget our duty to the cause of progress. This I pledge.

Barry G. Wick
13121 South Creek View Road
Rapid City, South Dakota
United States of America 57702-8503
605-341-0245
skype: barrygwick2004

2006-09-28T08:41:00.004-07:00

I can't remember when I first began to receive the Fenceberry articles. It became such a part of my daily life that I thought it was always there. It gave a gay news junkie like myself all I needed in order to be informed as well as the tools to fight back.

And while we never met personally, I would send a note of thanks periodically to Aleta and Jean. The hard work of an unpaid volunteer is rarely thanked. Surprisingly, I would get a note back. I felt like part of the Fenceberry family. That led to holiday greetings and other notes, updating each other on our lives. I understood why the Fenceberry articles needed to stop. What didn't stop were the periodic notes and the bond of friendship.

My heart aches upon learning of Aleta's death. She is at peace, smiling down upon us. She did so much for so many. She will be sorely missed by uncountable numbers around the world. Think of her when you see a rainbow in the sky. Her legacy will live on.

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." [Thomas Campbell]

Wayne Steinman

Staten Island, NY

2006-09-28T08:41:00.003-07:00

I have so many fond memories of both of you. Certainly the endless number of e-mails back and forth concerning the glbt news items that you shared with the community each day. This service made such an enormous contribution to our community. You will never know the number of lives that it touched. There wasn't access to the many newsgroups and endless search capabilities that now exist on the Internet. You and Aleta were the lifeblood of information within the gay community. You provided a vital link that enabled people to communicate a call to action in response to negative news or a broad thank you when things went well. I remember sending you new people to include on the list and news items to include in your next "send."

I also have such fond memories of precious times that we got to spend together when business trips brought me to Omaha and I got to be a guest in your lovely home. We shared precious times together. We shared great meals and endless chats. One memory stands out in my mind in meeting my friend Teresa one day. Teresa had recently moved from San Diego to Omaha (which she jokingly called "OhMaGod!" It was definitely a big change for her after living in San Diego. We met her for drinks as she had just had her nails and hair done. We had set up that one of you would look at her nails and jokingly pull out a nail clipper. When that happened Teresa instinctively pulled back her hand in horror. The four of us howled for a good four minutes once she realized that we were all joking.

I miss you both and love you both.
Much love,
John Selig

2006-09-28T08:41:00.002-07:00

John Myers here aka SARATOGANY (Coalition for Safer Schools of NYS).

I want to express my heart felt sympathies to Jean and Aleta's family and friends.

I was one of the many list members when FENCEBERRY first started.

My activism for safe schools for all students heavily focused on the real or perceived GLBT students. So much information had been provided to me by Aleta and Jean and subsequently to my list of school GLBT issue oriented people, often making its way into school administration hands. The information from FENCEBERRY was a wonderful educational tool that contributed to the well being of real or perceived GLBT students in many areas via of enlightenment of school staff and administration. GLTB Students across the country had a wonderful supporter on their side, making life more bearable for them.

John Myers

2006-09-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

I've known Aleta through her connection with and participation in the FLAG/GLSEN Speakers' Bureau. It was obvious through her frank, no-nonsense interaction with students that she had a passion for educating others and advocating for equality. And let's not forget those Fenceberry Reports! She made it very clear that family, particularly her life-partner, meant everything to her. She shared her story with hundreds, but thousands were moved, if not changed, by her life example. I will miss her beaming smile.
Joe Price
Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN), Omaha Chapter co-chair

Joseph (Joe) Price

2006-09-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

My partner, Therese, and I have known Aleta and Jean for many years. We don't socialize a LOT, but manage to get together about twice a year, usually for a play or something. A dinner.

One time about two years ago, Therese and I decided to have a football get-together when the Huskers were being televised. We decided that since we hadn't seen Aleta and Jean for awhile, we would invite them to watch the game with us.

Now, Therese and I are both huge Husker fans and we naturally figured that everyone who lived in Nebraska would be that way too. It honestly never occurred to us that maybe Jean and Aleta were not rabid fans as we were. We called and Aleta accepted our invitation. She asked tentatively if the Huskers were any good this year. That should have been our big clue. It wasn't.

The day arrived and Aleta showed up alone. Said that Jean had a headache and couldn't make it. She then walked into our house and looked just a little horrified at our um...decorations. We had Husker plates, serving bowls, cups, tablecloths. Even our SILVERWARE had the Husker emblem on it.

We sat down to watch the game after loading up our plates. After about a half hour, it became painfully clear to me that not only was Aleta not a big Husker fan, but that she knew very little about football in general. I heard a faint snort and looked over to see her asleep in the chair. During halftime, I accidentally on purpose nudged her chair as I walked by and she started awake, sitting up, eyes wide open, trying so hard to be polite.

We laughed and suggested that maybe it was time to go home. She laughed back and apologized profusely for falling asleep. It wasn't the company, she admitted, it was the GAME. She just didn't see the point of all that slamming around and acting so stupid about a ball.

When she left, we promised to get together again soon and do something that we ALL liked. And we did. We went for a pizza and then to a play. Not one of us fell asleep. I have since teased Aleta many times about inviting her over for another Husker game and promised her to buy her a Husker tee shirt of her very own to wear.....

She has always been a very good sport.

Laura Dugan

2006-09-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

Photo by Alan Light

Although I never met either of you in person, I still have and still treasure two photographs, one with the two of you and the grandchildren and the other of just the two of you when you signed off after eight years.

For most of those eight years you made life better for me by bringing me news on the subjects that interested me more than any other subjects. I don't know exactly when it was in that eight-year period that I came in. My guess is that it must have been pretty close to the beginning.

Aleta and Jean made my life better. Aleta's children can be proud of how much she did to make life better for so many other people. Witness the other messages coming in these days!

No service since has been so exactly on the mark for me in giving me the news I want. At eighty-five, I won't last too much longer myself, but be assured that as long as this ancient eccentric is still around, the part Aleta played in his life will be among his fondest memories.

Hugs and kisses!

Will Klump

2006-09-27T21:58:00.001-07:00

I know how one person can change a life. I know you and Aleta changed each others life. I know she had a profound effect on my own life.

Aleta's Heart and Love reached out and touched me. She made me feel good and gave me strength. She shared her power with me and still had an abundance to share with others.

I want you to know her power is still with me and I will always keep it in my heart.

I feel blessed and thankful that you were so generous in sharing her love with me.

Thank you,
Van-Martin

2006-09-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

A gay friend told me about Fenceberry and finding it online was nothing short of a Godsend. I was trying to publish a PFLAG chapter newsletter and my only sources of information had been messages from PFLAG National, the print version of The Advocate, and the few news items I was able to find on the Internet.

From worrying about whether or not I had enough material to fill the next issue, I came to the place where I had such a wealth of material I could pick and choose. Aleta even published a few of my pungent letters to our local newspaper editor.

What I liked best, however, were the wry comments Aleta sometimes inserted at the beginning of the dispatches where only the titles of the articles were listed (the full articles followed farther down.) Those little flashes of wit were priceless!

PFLAG love and hugs to everybody involved in the family.

Jean W. Allen

PFLAG Flat Rock/Hendersonville (NC)

2006-09-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

My first encounters with Aleta were through her and Jean's groundbreaking "Fenceberry" clippings distribution in the mid-90s. This was at a time when there were few online gay and lesbian news sites, nor was there the idea of a “blog.” It was still the dawn of the Internet Age, and Aleta and Jean were right
there - doing it all from their home in Sioux City. The scope was amazing for the time: They were informing a nation of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered people and straights about the goings-on in big cities and small towns across the country regarding GLBT rights, sending dozens of clippings a day to the email boxes of an ever-growing list of us throughout the United States and around the globe.

It was exactly the type of activism that several Silicon Valley gay organizers had predicted would occur when I'd interviewed them for my book Queer in America just a few years earlier, in 1992. Now it was all happening, and Aleta and Jean were at the forefront. I remember one day just receiving their clips, having been added to their list - and then communicating with Aleta and Jean thereafter quite a bit, sometimes laughing together at various news items and other times being horrified at the news and needing to vent! I so admired them, true heroes of the movement, showing how anyone can make a difference right from his or her living room. For me, as a journalist and author, Fenceberry became invaluable. I often wondered if Aleta and Jean realized just how influential and how important their work was becoming, particularly since so many other communicators like myself became reliant on them as we took the message farther and wider.

I'd hoped I could one day meet them and then my wish came true: They were brought to New York by Out Magazine, after having been put on the Out 100 list in 1996. It was a ceremony to honor their and other pioneers' work. Aleta was so warm to me, just as she'd always been on email - except now I could see and feel that huge smile on her face! I know that the trip -- and the honors -- were nothing she expected or even wished for, because for her the reward was simply in putting out those clips and maybe inspiring or cheering up a young lesbian or an older gay man somewhere. Still, the trip was a way for her to finally meet the faces behind the names and to make a personal connection. Aleta was so full of love for the GLBT community that I couldn't help but think it was something that would stay with her forever. She will often be in my thoughts, and I know she will be remembered as an activist and friend to countless other people across the world.

Michelangelo Signorile
New York, New York

2006-09-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

We have both had the pleasure of being on panels with Aleta. We both treasured her beautiful smiling face. She always spoke of her wonderful family. She was so proud of everyone in her family.

We could see what a happy couple you are when we were around you. Love like yours is a gift that we all hope to have.

Please know that we and many others will cherish the time we spent around Aleta.

Love, TJ & Barbara Johnson

2006-09-27T21:25:00.002-07:00

I met Aleta virtually through the "Articles" like so many other people, but once she and Jean moved to Omaha, the town where I gree up, I was finally able to meet her and Jean in person. Of course both of them were as wonderful in person as they were behind a computer screen. We became good friends and we would often stop and chat every few months when Dave and I would travel back to Omaha. One memory of Aleta that really comes to mind is several years ago when Fenceberry Central, the computer upon which the Articles were sent out crashed in a serious way, and Aleta took the computer and drove all the way down to Lawrence so Dave could fix it. It was (obviously) a spur of the moment thing, but Aleta's willingness to drive 3 hours for this showed her dedication to this amazing volunteer job of the Articles, and also was a cool surprise for us to get to see our friend. She drove up with the ailing CPU and entrusted it to Dave's good hands, and then we just hung out over the evening...we got some pizza and talked about life and politics as Dave fixed the PC. Finally the job was done and Aleta was able to send out that nights batch of
Articles, a special edition! That was a really cool time. We both miss Aleta so much.

Mike Silverman

2006-09-27T20:57:00.002-07:00

Jean,

You and Aleta have been such angels to so many for so long, it is painful to think of what you are both going through right now. We've never met, but like hundreds (thousands?) of others I feel like I know you, as you became such an important part of my life for so many years. As a native Iowan, I always have had a parochial pride knowing your work honored my state of birth. As an AIDS activist, I have wondered if you understood how much your information dissemination, with the kindness and conviction that so clearly came through in your messages, has meant to so many frightened and searching gay men.

You have given comfort to those who were frightened, knowledge to those who wanted to learn and an unconditional love of community to us all.

In these most terrible of political times, when we are surrounded with avarice, ignorance and greed, it is reassuring to remember that we do have heroes. You and Aleta are two of mine. There will be a day when those who gave so generously of their love and time and effort and resources will be appropriately recognized and honored for the important role they played in fighting the epidemic, for our community and for a better world. You have my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know the age of Aleta's children, but I understand your comment about children never really knowing their parents as people. I don't know you or Aleta in the personal sense--we've never met--so I don't know your faults and shortcomings. But I do know the impact of your efforts, I do know the result of your love, I do know the difference you have made. In the long run, that is all that matters.

With love,

Sean Strub

POZ Magazine

2006-09-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

Aleta and Jean, June 5, 1999. Photo by Mike Silverman

Aleta Fenceroy died the other day, and she will be sorely missed, not just by her partner Jean and the rest of her family, but also by all the hundreds of friends and acquaintances near and far that she touched during her life. I count myself lucky that I was one of those friends. I first discovered the Fenceberry team shortly after I came out of the closet, nearly 10 years ago. A friend named Bill told me about this great resource for news articles and letters to the editor on gay issues called "Fenceberry" and so I emailed them and got signed up. I am a total pack rat when it comes to email; I have every email I have ever sent or received going back to 1995, so it is quite easy for me to see exactly when I got my first Fenceberry "Articles" email; it was September 30, 1997:

From: Fenceberry@aol.com
Subject: Articles 9.30.97.3

1. PROVIDENCE JOURNAL Letters on Promise Keepers
2. HARVARD CRIMSON Red Cross Caters to Homophobia
Blood Donor Questionnaire Discriminates Against Gays
3. OKLAHOMA DAILY Letter: Critics of gay marriage aren't always prejudiced
4. NEW YORK TIMES Saudi Sentences for 2 Britons May Be Eased
5. BATTLE CREEK ENQUIRER Guest editorial on why Coming Day is important

As always, not only did the content of the articles inform readers, but with the email addresses of the newspapers included, it made it easy to send feedback and write letters to the editor for newspapers all over the country. For a budding fresh-out activist like me, it was like fertilizer for a plant.

The Advocate magazine did a great story on Aleta and Jean in their June 17, 1999 issue:

Better known as Fenceberry, Aleta Fenceroy and Jean Mayberry have become an indispensable part of gay politics without ever having left their living room in Omaha, Neb. For the past three years, the couple have E-mailed gay-related news to other activists as well as to journalists, alerting them to stories of which they might never have otherwise known. “Activists lived in New York City,” Mayberry says. “I never thought I was important enough or powerful enough to be an activist. I just felt I should do something.” That urge has broadened the knowledge of hundreds of people who get Fenceberry’s messages. “There are so many exciting things happening in small towns and cities all over the country, and we wouldn’t have any way of knowing about them if it weren’t for the Internet,” Fenceroy says, “Now we can read about them as soon as they happen.”

As the years of the late 1990s passed, I eagerly enjoyed each new batch of articles as they arrived in my mailbox each day. I sent in my own news clippings from local Kansas papers (remember, this was in the days before Google, when there was no decent web-wide search engine and aggregation technology still didn't exist). As I corresponded with both Jean and Aleta, we became friends, and when I heard they were moving from Sioux City to my old home town of Omaha, I was even more exited, since I finally would be able to meet the people on the other end of the computer screen.

Over the next several years, we became good friends, Jean and Leta, and myself and Dave. We would visit them several times a year when we came up to Omaha to see the family. In 1999, Jean and Aleta were honored guests at my wedding. We drove to Lincoln with them to help lobby against Nebraska's anti-gay constitutional amendment in 1999, and got to hear Aleta sing in her choir (she had a great voice!). My husband Dave became Aleta's official computer doctor, helping her upgrade "Articles Central" (the true center of the Worldwide Gay Media Conspiracy!) and in one case we even hosted Aleta overnight as she drove her sick silicon "patient" down to Lawrence so Dave could do some emergency fix-ups...come wind or rain or CPU failure, the news had to get out! Another fun story is when Aleta and Jean came down to Kansas City for something (I don't remember what) and Dave and I took them on a tour of Lawrence and Kansas City, showing off the boulevards and fountains, and at some point Dave casually remarked about Kansas City's new Cheesecake Factory restaurant, and Aleta practically yelled in joy, "cheesecake factory!" -- needless to say, that is where we ended up for dinner that night, and on several future occasions we became cheesecake couriers on trips to Omaha. In 2000, independent of each other Dave and I ran into Jean and Aleta in Washington DC, at the Millennium March on Washington, a huge rally for gay equal rights. They were representing Nebraska, and we were representing Kansas in the "march of flags" across the stage. Things fell way behind, as they always do at these things, and the four of us had to wait for hours backstage in the hot sun before finally getting a couple minutes of glory in front of the crowd.

Another great memory of Aleta was watching her garden at her Omaha house bloom. Since we only visited a few times a year, we got to see the garden in only a few discrete times, so one visit it was pretty barren, then next time there was some plants growing, and then the next time after that it was a bounty of beautiful plants and flowers that would make a botanist green with envy.

I could go on forever....as you can see, Aleta really touched our lives and I have so many fond memories of her and her loss leaves a real void in hundreds of peoples' lives, including my own.

Mike Silverman

2006-09-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

My heartfelt sympathy to Jean and the rest of Aleta’s family on her untimely passing. As I read the many e-mails that have been sent I realize what a profound affect Aleta had on us all.

Aleta and I were co-workers first and then good friends. We were different in many ways. Aleta was gay, I’m straight. Aleta was a Democrat and I’m a Re.. well, not a Democrat. Aleta was a talented and gifted musician, I can play the radio. But we came to discover through our friendship that we were also very alike. We both enjoyed good food, good wine and good books. We both are very proud of our children and loved being grandmas. We both deeply love our significant others. The difference is that I could marry mine and Aleta could not – and this is a right that I will continue to fight for in Aleta’s memory.

I was fortunate to be able to visit with Aleta during her illness and spend several hours with her on the day before she passed away. I will miss my friend.

Linda Crymes

2006-09-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

See this one of many articles when FenceBerrys signed off. I have submitted some letters and ideas to Southern Voice again in hopes that publish a tribute to Aleta.

http://www.sovo.com/2004/9-3/arts/feature/fenceberry.cfm

Jean and Aleta were there for me with comfort and empowerment each time we needed support in deep south "Jawja" just like they were always available to those of us anywhere we lived. They guided me and trained me and cheered each time I got a letter published.

I am so thrilled that they have chosen the ACLU as one of the benefiting organizations in lieu of flowers. We know they loved their garden so and loved the chorus so much. Aleta's work continues daily around the globe. In fact, we have a little activism event related to Michael Bowers (of Bowers V Hardwick) planned this coming Oct 3rd here in Atlanta.

We all thank Jean and Aleta for their empowering work!!!

Floyd Taylor

Atlanta

2006-09-26T10:39:00.001-07:00

Dear Jean,

What can someone say at a time like this. Please accept my deeply heart felt sorrow for your loss. When my Vern passed in '03 you ladies were right there with words of encouragment.

We never forgot the feeling of welcome when we popped in and you laid out a cook-out spread to end all others.

A bright and shining light for the rights of all people has gone out of our world. BUT---the warm glow that Aleta and you have ignited will glow in our hearts and the legend of Fenceberry will be passed on.

With heart felt Love,

Forrest Nettleton-Rose

Knoxville, TN

2006-09-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

Dearest Jean,

Having started out on that original ‘Articles’ list, lo these many years ago, it was such a delight when you and Aleta took over from Bill. It was even a bigger delight when you took time from your visit in San Francisco to see Victor and me in San Leandro.

I so fondly remember the two of you sitting around and talking the afternoon away. It was way too short of a visit, but oh, so fun.

I also remember trying to figure out what to serve you when you came over. The Gay Man’s Dilemma! I settled on ‘dessert’ – a Frozen Chocolate and Peanut Butter Pound Cake from an old issue of Bon Appetit. Just slightly decadent… Aleta asked for the recipe, and it only took me weeks to finally get it sent off.

I am heavily involved these days with Relay For Life, and I was in Washington, DC on Wednesday for the Celebration on the Hill sponsored by the Cancer Action Network arm of the ACS. During the Luminaria Ceremony I started listing in my mind, all of the people I could remember who had been touched by cancer. Of the score of people I could remember, Aleta was there with me, and she brought a smile to my face as I remembered those wonderful ‘Articles’ days.

So tonight I sit here thinking about how much the two of you did to enrich the lives of so many, and as I look out my window right now, in the clear and crisp Pennsylvania sky, there is a new star shining down upon us all. There is a smile on my face right now as I remember that day many years ago, and I’m heading to my kitchen to make that dessert right now.

And just for the hell of it, here’s the recipe for all of you.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pound Cake

This is by far, one of our most favorite desserts. It's sinfully rich, and best made the day before you wish to serve it, because of freezing time.

Peanut Butter Mousse

2 cups sifted powdered sugar

1 cup peanut butter (I like to use chunk-style.)

8 oz cream cheese - room temperature

2 large egg whites

Chocolate Mousse

1 cup whipping cream

1/3 cup sugar

8 oz bittersweet or semisweet chocolate

1 1/2 tsp instant espresso powder (I usually omit - Victor's not fond of coffee flavors in desserts...)

2 1/2 tbsp hot water (if using the espresso powder)

3 egg yolks

Chocolate Ganache

2/3 cup whipping cream

5 tbsp butter

5 oz semi sweet chocolate

Peanut butter mousse: Line 6 cup loaf pan with plastic wrap. Mix together 1 1/2 cups sugar with peanut butter and cream cheese until smooth. Beat egg whites until soft peaks form, then add remaining powdered sugar and beat till stiff and shiny. Fold whites into peanut butter mixture.

Tilt loaf pan sideways (45º angle) and spoon mousse down pan. Smooth top and place in freezer about an hour to firm. (Prop pan to hold 45º angle.)

Chocolate mousse: Slowly melt chocolate, stirring until smooth. Dissolve espresso powder in hot water. add egg yolks. Add to chocolate and stir until slightly thickened. Cool to room temperature.

Beat whipped cream and sugar to soft peaks. Fold cream into cooled chocolate mixture. Set pan with frozen peanut butter mousse flat on counter and fill with chocolate mousse. Smooth top and return to freezer about 6 hours or overnight.

Ganache: Heat cream and butter just until cream simmers and butter is melted. Remove from heat and add chocolate, stirring until smooth. Let cool until thickened, but still pourable.

Invert loaf onto rack, removing pan and plastic. Pour ganache over loaf and smooth all sides. Transfer to serving platter and decorate or not, as you see fit.

Enjoy! And thank you, Aleta. For everything.

Tim Dineen

2006-09-26T10:37:00.001-07:00

How fortunate I was to meet the two of you in person! I share your current sadness, and hope it will be a bit alleviated through the support of so many around our country who appreciated what the two of you did for GLBT history and our future!

Love,

Bud Robbins
San Francisco

2006-09-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Jean,

I am so sorry to learn about Aleta's passing and want you to know I send you tons of love and hugs from San Francisco. You two did me, and thousands of other gays, a huge favor when you ran your terrific news clippings service for many years. The gay/lesbian movement, and our allies, really owe you two fine women a huge debt of gratitude for keeping us informed with the sorely missed news clippings. Though I never met Aleta, I felt I knew her and you through the thousands of emails you sent out. I share my sympathy with you and your extended families at this sad time.

hugs,

michael petrelis

2006-09-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

I feel a huge absence in my life. I had the privilege to visit Aleta and Jean a number of times as business brought me to Omaha and I would try and plan meetings to that I could spend an extra day or two with them. Both Aleta & Jean have been true heroines for our community. I can tell you that when I visited that one or the other was on the computer hours upon hours each day gathering articles, packaging them together, sending them out and responding to huge amounts of e-mail.

I was fortunate to receive the articles even before Jean & Aleta took over this amazing news feed. I was able to sign-up a bunch of folks in the community and often would send along articles and action items.

Today the Internet provides us instant access to endless amounts of information thanks to news serves and enhanced search engines like Google, podcasts, blogs, news sites like HuffingtonPost.com and even news of importance updated regularly on the major different GLBT web sites. Back when Jean & Aleta took on Fenceberry, they truly were the "eye on the news" for the entire GLBT community. We depended upon them too alert us to the important news stories of the day. More importantly they provided the needed tools so that we could take action. When a negative article or letter appeared, thanks to Jean and Aleta, we could jump all over it. So often Jean and Aleta would publish a letter to the editor or a story that involved one or more Articles Subscribers.

We all became a special family thanks to Jean & Aleta. They proved that one doesn't have to live in New York, Washington, D.C., LA or San Francisco to have an impact on the GLBT community and our fight for equal rights. They made a huge contribution right from a spare bedroom in their lovely home in Omaha, Nebraska. They made a contribution that changed all of our lives and also opened the eyes of mainstream America through the actions that their subscribers were able to take based on the critical information that they provided.

I miss Aleta terribly and my love for Jean is boundless. Thank you both for touching my life so dearly. Thank you for providing an extremely special extended family.

Much love,

John R. Selig
Dallas, TX

2006-09-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

Although I never met you Jean, it seemed that you and Aleta were my friends. I was a new and very green PFLAG chapter president when I began receiving your Fenceberry articles. The help that Fenceberry brought to my email box is not measurable.

When you and Aleta would go on a vacation, your readers went on the vacation with you, because you shared your journey that included visiting some readers along the way.

You must have had a beautiful life together. You will miss her and feel her presence with you often.

Kind thoughts to you.

Lois Gallenberger

Wichita Falls, TX

2006-09-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

When San Francisco writer Tim Kingston told me about the Fenceberry news service he cautioned me not to just send an email with "subscribe" in the subject line. "These are real people" he said, "Not an automated mail server."

I was pleased to get a personalized email from Aleta acknowledging my subscription request, and that email was the first of many that we would exchange as our friendship grew over the years. Even though she was managing a mailing list of over a thousand, Aleta made time to get to know many of us. I was always amazed that as she scoured the Internet for her "Articles" she invariably spotted her reader's names when they appeared in print, and would note that in her re-transmissions.

"Articles" was not only a news clipping service, but for many of us it was a family of sorts. I, and I am sure, many others feel as if we have lost a family member with Aleta's passing. I am just glad that I had a chance to meet Aleta and Jean in person when they visited San Francisco a few years back.

Aleta, I can think of few others who have impacted the lives of so many others in such a positive way. I shall sorely miss you.

Paul Barwick, San Francisco

2006-09-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

I too have been blessed by her music and her words
I miss the updates and wish I knew where to go to be up to date
while not 'out' I will be thinking of Aleta and Jean throught the coming
days
days of victory for Aleta, and support for Jean in your pain and loss
thank you both
ken wells
sioux city

2006-09-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

And while we never met personally, I would send a note of thanks periodically to Aleta and Jean. The hard work of an unpaid volunteer is rarely thanked. Surprisingly, I would get a note back. I felt like part of the Fenceberry family. That led to holiday greetings and other notes, updating each other on our lives. I understood why the Fenceberry articles needed to stop. What didn't stop was the periodic notes and the bond of friendship.

My heart aches upon learning of Aleta's death. She is at peace, smiling down upon us. She did so much for so many. She will be sorely missed by uncountable numbers around the world. Think of her when you see a rainbow in the sky. Her legacy will live on.

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." [Thomas Campbell]

Wayne Steinman

Staten Island, NY

2006-09-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Dearest Jean of Fenceberry -

I'm paid to be a journalist; to say the right words no matter what the situation. I'm supposed to cut through the bull and deliver the truth.

But the truth as I see it right now is a horrible, unfair thing. I shrink from it. The truth is that a marvelous, honest, straightforward woman has been taken from us. All too soon. And any words I type are going to have a very hollow sound.

But let me move past pathetic self-consciousness. Let me honor the memory of Aleta by telling the truth as Aleta has always told it. Honestly. Simply. And with just a dash of vinegar.

Few people would call Aleta a hero by the standards we use for the category. As far as I know, she didn't run into burning buildings to save people. She didn't don a unifrom and rush into battle.

But the integrity of her life has made her a hero to thousands of L&G people all over the world. She has nurtured us by spreading truth far and wide. The burning building is her community at the crossroads. And she donned the uniform of a caring citizen and went forth to do battle against the demagogues and homophobes who challenged us. She fought back with the potent weapon of words. Educated, thoughtful words. That is all too rare in these duplicitous days.

I am proud to have been an ally to her. Her premature passing wrenches my heart. My only solace is that in these final weeks she fully knew how much good she accomplished in this world and she knew how many people are grateful that she passed this way.

Love and strength to Jean. Blessings eternally to Aleta. You both must know by now that your blessed union and your good deeds are a lasting inspiration to me.

Gratefully,

Jay Blotcher
High Falls, NY

2006-09-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

To Friends of Aleta - I wanted to share my thoughts...She will be dearly missed. Mike Triggs

Jean - We are so sorry to hear of Aleta's passing. Will have a toast to our many fond memories of her at dinner this evening. We so enjoyed your stays with us and will especially remember having our pictures taken with the LOVE statue in the Scottsdale Civic Center Park and our visit to the Botanical Gardens in Montreal while we were at GALA.

Jean please know that you are always welcome to stay with us again during at future visit to our Arizona...having both grown up in the Midwest we know how long those winters can be. And as an added bonus we have removed all pictures of GHWB (41) or anything with the words Republican on it! :>) Rick says it is now a guest room...not a SHRINE.

We love you both and always will. Mike Triggs and Rick Wade - Scottsdale, AZ

Another note from Mike Triggs

Jean - Had it not been for the DAILY Articles that the two of you sent out, I might still be in the Closet, un-partnered and still a card carrying Republican. You opened my eyes, you allowed me to know that I had a political calling but no necessarily a calling with an "R" behind it.

Because of you and other gay men and lesbians I read about in Articles I developed the courage to speak out when I saw things that were wrong, and work to right them. (You'll be happy to know we beat Scottsdale #! HOMOPHOBE Colette Rosati in last weeks Primary. She is history and I helped)

I will continue to write letters to the editor/guest opinions until the day full equality is achieved...at that point I'll probably be living in Sun City and tap dancing or sky diving will be my new challenges.

I have also learned that eventually we all walk the same path...we just take different routes to get there. Thank you and Aleta for sending me on a short cut to a happy and proud gay life. No more looking back, no more worrying about what someone will think. No more!

I will miss seeing Aleta in Miami at the next GALA in 2008 but will make a point of hearing her River City Mixed Chorus.

Mike Triggs
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: If you would like to post rememberences, photos etc. onto the site, you can either leave them as a comment, and I will move them up to the status of a posting, or you can email them to me at paulbarwick@mindspring.com and I will post them.

Published obituaries

2006-09-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Detroit News

'Fenceberrys' sustained gay network

October 2, 2006
Deb Price

In high spirits because the February day was warm, Jean Mayberry honked and waved at a neighbor, a woman she knew only as "Aleta, the lesbian down the street."

"She smiled at me, and I was hooked," recalls Jean, who was way too shy to introduce herself. So, she searched the Sioux City, Iowa, phonebook line by line until she spotted Aleta's address and discovered her last name: "Fenceroy." Jean threw a party to have an excuse to invite Aleta over.

By that summer of 1991, the two women, who were in their early 40s and had been resigned to spending the rest of their lives unattached, were very much a couple. Before long, even Aleta's grown kids took to calling them "The Fenceberrys."

Together, these remarkable women -- one a computer programmer, the other a jewelry store employee -- performed a priceless service, knitting gay people scattered all around the globe into a community as never before. What they did for hours on end, day after day, from 1996 to 2004, sounds simple enough: They distributed via email every newspaper article they could find about anything gay -- a court ruling, a celebrity coming-out story, a syndicated column, a hate crime.

For their devoted fans, the Fenceberrys became town criers, telling us far more than we could learn from the occasional gay article in our hometown papers. Or, to put it another way, Fenceberry readers -- whether a New York City gay-rights attorney or a closeted college student -- had been like the blind men touching the elephant, each knowing little more than what was within reach. The Fenceberrys' daily dispatches were quite literally eye-opening, revealing the enormous size and growing strength of the gay-rights movement.

An Iowa man had started the invaluable, free service when email was in its infancy. When he tired, Jean and Aleta picked up the baton and ran with it. Fenceberry readers, in turn, ran with what we learned from them, using it in our work as journalists, professors, historians, or activists, and using it in our lives to gain new confidence and perspective. But I, for one, too rarely said thanks for helping me connect the dots.

I've been thinking more than usual about the extraordinary good that truly devoted people can accomplish when they set their hearts to it: A recent email brought the sad news that Aleta has died at 57, after a short, brutal battle with cancer. The ripple effects from the Fenceberrys' good works will fan out forever.

Aleta understood that in the race to achieve full equality for those of us who are gay, each of us can carry the baton only so long. In the early years of the Fenceberry articles, Jean did the lion's share of the work because Aleta was in grad school.

But for most of the eight years, Aleta took the lead. In 2004, she decided that the Internet had matured enough for them to bow out.

"It's been a pleasure and an honor," Aleta said to The Washington Blade. "Nobody told us to do this. We just kind of started doing it. … The void will be filled by someone."

Now, someone is finishing the blanket that Aleta had been crocheting for her third grandbaby. Others are tilling the ground the Fenceberrys broke.

But they are not forgotten. And my heart goes out to Jean, who now calls herself "forever and proudly the 'berry' half of the Fenceberry family."\

Sioux City Journal

Omaha World Herald


Aleta Fenceroy died on September 23, 2006, after a 3 month battle with cancer. For the 57 years prior, she lived her life to the fullest. She raised two wonderful children and she was the proud and doting grandmother of three beautiful little girls. Aleta taught herself to play piano at a young age and then went on to get a Master of Fine Arts degree from the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis. She was a church organist for thirty years, most notably at First Christian Church in Sioux City, IA. She traveled the world and lived with her children in Norway for four years. She was a pioneer in internet communication with a news service geared toward gay/lesbian/bisexual and transgendered people that was known as "Fenceberry." She was the accompanist for Omaha's only gay/lesbian chorus, The River City Mixed Chorus. She spoke on panels with GLSEN and PFLAG to help educate people about the lies and inequality that face the gay community, and she was a political activist for liberal causes. Aleta worked as a computer programmer with First Data Corp where she enjoyed many good friendships and had a profound love for her work. She leaves behind her unrecognized spouse of 15 years, Jean Mayberry; daughter, Michelle Walker R.N.; son-in-law, John Walker; granddaughters: Chloe, Ella and Teaghan of Higley, AZ; son, Major Jeremy Fenceroy USAF, currently stationed in Accra, Ghana; brother, Michael Ballard of Des Moines, IA; friends too numerous to mention. Aleta was a good daughter, mother, wife, worker, musician, friend, American, and a wonderful human being. A Memorial Potluck Celebration of Aleta's life will be held at First United Methodist Church, 7020 Cass St. in Omaha, NE, on Friday, October 6 at 6:30 PM In lieu of flowers, Aleta wished donations either to the American Civil Liberties Union or to The River City Mixed Chorus at P.O. Box 3267, Omaha, NE

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Lesbian activist Aleta Fenceroy dies

by Liz Highleyma

The Bay Area Reporter

Aleta Fenceroy, who for eight years operated the Fenceberry LGBT newswire with her partner Jean Mayberry, died Saturday, September 23, after a battle with cancer. She was 57.

Ms. Fenceroy was born December 27, 1948. She raised two children as a single mother on welfare while working part time and studying music. She attended Morningside College in Sioux City, Iowa, then received her master of fine arts degree at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

After working for the Iowa Department of Corrections for more than a decade, Ms. Fenceroy went back to school to earn an associate degree in computer programming in 1998. She then took a job in Omaha, Nebraska, as a programmer-analyst with First Data Resources.

Starting in the mid-1990s, Ms. Fenceroy and Mayberry operated the informal Fenceberry e-mail news service, which distributed LGBT news articles – sometimes dozens per day – to hundreds of subscribers worldwide.

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PASSAGE: Aleta Fenceroy

Windy City Times

Aleta Fenceroy, who, with her partner Jean Mayberry, founded the popular news service Fenceberry, passed away Sept. 23 of cancer at her home with family and friends by her side, PageOneQ.com reported. She was 57.

In the early days of the Internet, Fenceroy and Mayberry searched the Web and sent daily e-mails with links of interest to the LGBT community. Gradually, the duo sent increasing numbers of e-missives daily, each with the latest news. Their effort continued until they retired the list in 2004.

Fenceroy raised two children as a single mom while working part-time and going to college to earn a Master of Music Degree. She graduated from Morningside College in Sioux City, Iowa, and received her Masters at the University of Minnesota. She was a church organist for 30 years, four of which were spent in Norway. Fenceroy worked for the State of Iowa Department of Corrections for over 15 years before going back to school to earn an Associate’s degree in computer programming in 1998. She then took a job in Omaha, Neb., with First Data Resources as an analyst/programmer and software writer. Outside of work, she loved solving puzzles, among other things.

In addition to Mayberry, Fenceroy leaves behind two children, Michelle and J.J., and three grandchildren: Chloe, Ella and Teaghan.

A memorial celebration of Fenceroy’s life has been planned and arrangements will be finalized pending family-related details. There will be no funeral and Fenceroy requested there be no flowers. Anyone wishing to make a donation should write a check to the American Civil Liberties Union.

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Net activist Aleta Fenceroy dies

The Advocate
Planet Out
Gay.Com

Aleta Fenceroy, a pioneering Internet activist who for eight years operated the Fenceberry LGBT newswire with her partner, Jean Mayberry, died September 23 of cancer at their home in Omaha. She was 57.

Fenceroy was a musician by avocation but a computer programmer by trade. Starting in the mid 1990s, she and Mayberry operated the informal Fenceberry e-mail news service, which distributed articles—sometimes dozens per day—to hundreds of subscribers worldwide on such issues as the Matthew Shepard killing.

"There wasn't access to the many newsgroups and endless search capabilities that now exist on the Internet," John Selig wrote on Fenceroy's online condolence book. "You...were the lifeblood of information within the gay community."

Every day for eight years, they would cull the Internet for gay-related news items, format the clips into e-mails, and send them to more than 1,000 activists and journalists who came to depend on the service to stay informed. As coverage of gay issues proliferated, Fenceberry's output expanded from one or two e-mails a day to as many as 10, sometimes including more than 50 stories. The two never received payment for their work.

"It was a way to be an activist without ever leaving my home," Fenceroy told The Advocate in 2004.

The two women, partners for 15 years, first published a small local print newsletter from their home in Iowa City, Iowa, according to San Francisco's Bay Area Reporter. When fellow Iowan Bill Stosine, who founded the electronic newswire in 1993, announced that he would no longer continue, Fenceroy and Mayberry stepped in, acquired his subscriber list, and renamed the newswire using a mash-up of their last names.

"She was dogged in her pursuit of answers," Mayberry told the Reporter. "Aleta was determined to hunt down the story, to get the news out, to defend her community, and to right the wrongs to the best of her ability."

The day the Massachusetts supreme judicial court opened the door to marriage equality, Fenceroy told the Southern Voice in 2004, she stayed home from work so her readers could be the first to hear the news.

The couple discontinued Fenceberry in July 2004, in part because AOL stopped allowing them to send out mass e-mail but mostly because the project had taken over their lives.

They stayed politically active, working for the John Kerry campaign in 2004. Fenceroy was diagnosed with cancer in June of this year.

A memorial celebration of Fenceroy's life is being planned. Donations in her memory may be made to the American Civil Liberties Union. A book of remembrance—online, as is fitting—is at http://goodbyaleta.blogspot.com/.

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Aleta Fenceroy, co-founder of Fenceberry dies at age 57

by PageOneQ

Aleta Fenceroy, who with her partner Jean Mayberry, founded the popular news service, Fenceberry, died Saturday at her home with family and friends by her side. Fenceroy was been diagnosed with cancer three months ago. The couple founded the popular precursor to news services like PageOneQ.

In the Internet's early days, Fenceroy and Mayberry would scour the web and mail a daily email with links of interest to the LGBT community. As the web grew in scope, the daily email expanded to two, three or four emails a day, each with the latest news. Their effort continued until they retired the list in 2004.

"They were really groundbreaking in the area of Internet news aggregation," noted PageOneQ editor and publisher Michael Rogers, "Before anyone thought to create news spaces on the web for the lesbian and gay community, Aleta and Jean were there, moving news as fast as it was posted on the web."

The Advocate profiled the couple when they ended their mailing list. The article may be seen here.

Upon Aleta's death, Jean wrote and sent the following obituary about her partner's life.

#

Aleta Fenceroy 12/27/1948 - 9/23/2006

As most, if not all of you know, Aleta has been battling cancer since she was diagnosed on June 15th of this year.

I was blessed to be with Aleta at the end of her life. She died at home, in a hospital bed that I had set up in the dining room next to a big window so that she could look out at the garden. She lived just over 3 months after she was diagnosed with cancer, but she had many good days. Aleta died peacefully in the company of friends and family who loved her.

She had wonderful visits with her two children, Michelle and J.J., who flew in from Phoenix and Africa respectively. She was able to read to her granddaughters, Chloe and Ella, and hold the newest addition, little Teaghan.

And even though this was a terrible situation, we were able to take so many good things from it. The incredible support and love we felt from friends close by and far away really sustained us. We grew closer to each other and to our families. We found humor and learned lessons of courage and compassion from fellow cancer patients and their families. We learned to enjoy the little moments that make our days and our lives so precious.

Aleta raised two children on her own, a single mom on welfare, working part-time and going to college to earn a Master of Music Degree. She graduated from Morningside College in Sioux City, IA and received her Masters at the University Of Minnesota, in Minneapolis. She was a church organist for 30 years, 4 of which were spent in Norway. She worked for the State of Iowa Department of Corrections for over 15 years before going back to school to earn an Associates Degree in computer programming in 1998. She then took a job in Omaha, Nebraska with First Data Resources as an analyst/programmer and software writer. She LOVED her job. She loved solving puzzles, following trails and picking up clues and that was her favorite part of being a programmer.

She was dogged in her pursuit of answers at work and that is how she was in most aspects of her life. When she sunk her teeth into something, she didn't let go. Hence, 8 years of "Fenceberry Articles." Hour upon hour and day upon day were spent on the home computer. Aleta was determined to hunt down the story; to get the news out; to defend her community; and to right the wrongs to the best of her ability. And she did it with love, wit, dignity and charm. That is the way she lived her life and that is the way she died.

She will be terribly missed. She is terribly missed.

A memorial celebration of her life has been planned and arrangements will be finalized when her son knows on which dates he will be in Omaha. There will be no funeral. Aleta requested there be no flowers. Anyone wishing to make a donation should write a check to the American Civil Liberties Union.

Jean Mayberry - forever and proudly the berry half of the Fenceberry Family

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Aleta Fenceroy, 57

The Washington Blade

By Amy Cavanaugh
Sep. 29, 2006

Lesbian activist Aleta Fenceroy died of liver and lung cancer on Saturday, Sept. 23, at her home in Omaha, Neb., according to her partner, Jean Mayberry. Fenceroy and Mayberry produced the “Fenceberry Articles,” which for eight years informed e-mail subscribers about global gay issues. She was 57.

Fenceroy was born Dec. 27, 1948 in Princeton, Ill. and moved to Sioux City, Iowa as a young woman to attend Morningside College. She received a master’s degree in music from the University of Minnesota while working part time and raising two children as a single mother on welfare.

In addition to being a church organist for 30 years, Fenceroy worked at a minimum-security residential treatment facility for non-violent offenders operated by the state of Iowa’s department of corrections. In 1998, she earned an associate’s degree in computer programming and took a job with First Data Resources in Omaha, Neb., as an analyst/programmer and software writer.

Partners for 15 years, Fenceroy and Mayberry worked on “Fenceberry” from 1996 to 2004. Bill Stosine of Iowa City started a gay news e-mail service in 1993. When he stopped operating it in 1996, Fenceroy and Mayberry acquired his e-mail list and “Fenceberry” was born.

Mayberry did the majority of the work on the e-mail service for two years, while Fenceroy worked on her degree. The next year they worked on it equally, and Fenceroy took over for the last five years.

In 2004, the couple decided to stop “Fenceberry” because of the huge time commitment involved in producing it.

“When she sunk her teeth into something, she didn’t let go,” Mayberry said in a statement. “Hence, eight years of ‘Fenceberry Articles.’ Hour upon hour and day upon day were spent on the home computer. Aleta was determined to hunt down the story; to get the news out; to defend her community; and to right the wrongs to the best of her ability. And she did it with love, wit, dignity and charm. That is the way she lived her life and that is the way she died.”

Fenceroy is survived by two children, daughter Michelle Walker of Higley, Ariz., and Major Jeremy Fenceroy, known as J.J., based at the U.S. Embassy in Ghana, Africa. She also leaves three granddaughters, Chloe, Ella and Teaghan. There will be no funeral and arrangements for a memorial service are not yet finalized. In lieu of flowers, those wishing to make a donation should contribute to the American Civil Liberties Union, 888-567-ACLU or www.aclu.org.

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